Saturday, February 20, 2010

Who Knew

I'm not OK. I've been trying to keep it low, 'cause I want to focus on nail polish and animals and other good things in life (on this blog). And after the thing that happened to my father - I feel like I'm in no position to complain at all...

But then again: this is MY blog and I can rant when I want to. And it's my life, so I can't focus just on other people. And above it all - my friend Ange-Marie is also hurting and I just got a mail that made the tears go wild.

I had the most heart-breaking dreams again. He haunts me... keeps rejecting me over and over again. The person who loved me ''unconditionally'' for almost 5 years. Yeah, he loved me. And he broke my heart in a second. Who knew.

You said forever... and ever... who knew.
But I keep your memory,
You visit me in my sleep...
My darling, who knew.



I can't believe what you said to me
Last night, we were alone
You threw your hands up in the air
Baby you gave up, you gave up



Why do I feel like I'll never be able to love again. To love like I loved him.
My heart literally stopped working right...

Which is your ''let the tears out'' song? Which are the lyrics that make your heart ache?

P.S.: I don't need the sympathy words... I just want to let you know how I'm feeling. And if you feel the same - you're not alone!

41 comments:

  1. I know you don't need sympathy, but I hope you're doing alright!

    My first BIG heartbreak has so many songs tied to it... I remember listening to Liz Phair's Why Can't I? and totally misinterpreting the lyrics to think she was singing about someone she lost... until I realized she was just singing about someone she lusted after (which reminded me that he left me for someone else and made it so much worse!). Then there was Kelly Clarkson's Walk Away (which was GREAT!!) I wish I could remember them all... I'll come back if I can think of the others. Kelly's really helped me - it made me realize that I could move on and do better than him and that was 6 years ago and I have certainly moved on and done a LOT better than him :)

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  2. My favorite "I need a mope" songs are:
    Sia- Soon We'll Be Found
    Placebo- Running Up That Hill, Pierrot the Clown
    Scissor Sisters- Land of a Thousand Words
    Dido- Honestly Ok, Slide
    Bright Eyes- Something Vague
    Brand New- Handcuffs, Luca, Play Crack the Sky, Good to Know if I ever Need Attention All I Have to do is Die

    I could go on and on, I have a thing for sad songs

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  3. When I'm in a mood to cry because of that "gorgeus looking bastard" that broke my heart few years ago, I can find a line that suits me just like it was written for me in every damn song...

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  4. Sorry for the sympathy... but I really hope you feel better soon. <333

    I can relate to the haunting dreams... I'm in a great relationship but my bf is in the military, every night seeing his face in my dreams just breaks my heart, but I'm so addicted to them. I just want to dream all the time so I can be with him.

    The Beatles have a lot of great crying songs. I love sad songs..

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  5. I'm so sorry to read that you're aren't in good mood :(
    *hugs*

    And my song in that moment is "bad romance" by lady gaga, text suits me and the rythm isn't too bad so I don't cry that way...

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  6. I'm doing OK, thanks! I've been having this kind of episodes for 2 and a half years now.
    I'm glad you realised you're better off!

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  7. my ex of 4 years trampled on my heart and dignity. i cant think of any songs that are 'tear causing' when it comes to him aside from the songs that remind me of him.

    the songs i listened to when i was in love with him, when i was in a happy place in the relationship - theyre impossible to listen to. but i think that goes for a lot of people.

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  8. Guess we ''cry-babies'' like sad songs. Running Up That Hill is awesome!

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  9. Hey, you gorgeous thing! Soon I'll be joining your kind of life. My BF wants to be in the military too. :/
    Thank you for your kind words! :*

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  10. *hugs back and sighs*

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  11. Thanks, Celine! Bad romance is kind of a happy song... isn't it?

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  12. I feel the same about the music I was listening to when I was with him... it's just painful.

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  13. That's ... bizarre. I can't hear either of these songs without crying, despite hearing them so many times: these are my heartbreak songs too. These and "Breathe" by Erasure. I've known a man for twenty-six years: he's thirteen years older than me, and he even held me and helped look after me sometimes when I was a baby. I always had a crush on him, got stronger as I got older, knew him on and off over the years. We got involved when I was twenty-four because he made a move on me and I trusted him: I have issues with intimacy and trust and had only been briefly involved with one other man before, and that was not good, not good at all. This man I'd known and loved all my life not only broke my heart, he ripped it apart: humiliated me completely, went from infatuated to cruel, dismissive and at times contemptuous in just over five weeks. That was two and a half years ago and I feel like it was yesterday. Worst of all, no one else in our lives knew (various reasons), so I've not even been able to tell anyone of the utter mess I'm in and can't get over. Yay.

    Anyway. Probably TMI, right? I hope you feel better; at least these songs can make us feel less alone at times, I believe. Thank you for this post.

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  14. Not TMI for me. I know how it can feel just like it was yesterday... Don't even know what to say (((hugs)))

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  15. as you know, I have the same problem with ex. we had 2 years together and pretty painful ones, this year in autumn will be 7 years since he left me but it didn't heal.
    My song is Say just words by Paradise Lost, it's personal.
    I am worried about my dad too. He's 72 this year and my only family, I would be alone in this world except for BF if something happened to him. It's my biggest wish that he would stay healthy for a long time to come.
    I am sorry you are feeling bad, I am feeling bad and disappointed almost every day and I know how it feels.

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  16. Thank you ... you are a kind, beautiful person. Thank you (((Sasha)))

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  17. hey, i know how you feel, same thing happend to me..just hope you will feel better soon.. no matter how hard it is now it will get better..
    and great blog, l'm glad that i found it..bye..

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  18. (((hugs))) my song is chrisette michelle's Golden

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  19. ((hugs))
    I was in that boat years ago. I've since met the man of my dreams, fell in love, got married, etc. so I'm happy it all happened the way it did, but my go to song was "Songs About Rain" by Gary Allen.... it was extra drepressing and summed up all the other depressing songs, country music can be extra drepressing.

    And the radio just keeps on playing all these
    Songs About Rain...
    Now there's all kinds of songs about babies
    and love that goes right,
    But for some unknown reason
    Nobody wants to play them tonight,
    Hey, I hope it's sunny wherever you are
    That's sure not the picture, tonight in my car
    And it sure ain't easin' my pain
    All these songs like...
    "Rainy Night In Georgia"
    and "Kentucky Rain"
    "Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again",
    "Blue Eyes Cryin" in the "Early Morning Rain"
    They go on and on, and there's no two the same
    Oh it would be easy to blame all these
    Songs About Rain

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  20. Music is so important. There's so many songs that bring back memories. Some good ones, some heartbreaking and some very sad. The songs I related the most to are by the Beatles. That's who I grew up with. I'm so sorry your having that nightmare again. I'm sure it was all the strong emotions you went through with your Father being brought to the hospital. How is he doing? There's some songs that can bring tears to my eyes in a minute because of many memories of my Father and Mother going to the hospital. Was this guy your first love? I know they always bring up strong emotions. Thank God I've never had my heart broken badly. Lots of hugs to you.

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  21. Hope you will get past it some day :) It must have been hard, think my worst heart ache was around 3-4 months, so I dont know if I have been lucky or what is normal but I feel blessed that its past me and hope that you will be someday to :) Lots of hugs and thoughts from me :)

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  22. HUGS!! and just to let u know.. U'RE SO SPECIAL TO ME...

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  23. Sasha: I'm feeling just like you are, I'm sure you remember my story. My husband went to bed the night before just like everything was fine. I have to agree with Jennifer, I can find a line to pierce my heart in almost any sad song, even one I'm not that familiar with, from the Beatles to Liszt's Hungarian Rhapsody No. 2. That was one of our favorites. That piece of music was featured in an old Bugs Bunny cartoon. I listen to a classical music radio station and every time that piece of music comes on my heart feels like somebody is squeezing it. But a year and a half has passed and I'm starting to feel better and you will feel better and you will love again.

    My masseuse says she can speak to people who have passed over and one day during one of our sessions my DH *came to visit* and she said that he wanted to tell me, among other things, that in time, I will be happier than I ever dreamed possible.

    (((hugs you))) Marsha

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  24. This comment is for Jennifer: Girlfriend, PLEASE talk to somebody about this. You can NOT keep this locked up inside yourself. It will only go from bad to worse for your mental state. Please believe me because I've been there. This sleazebag totally took advantage of your vulnerabilities and then drove his heel in your face. Please don't let him get away with it by keeping it locked up inside yourself. Please talk to someone and become the winner in this situation. It will take some time and effort but you will prevail in the end.

    (((hugs again))) Marsha, a/k/a heisey123 on the Nail Board if you want to talk

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  25. When my heart was totally broken and I was a complete mess, I would torture myself by listening to "Shakira- Illegal" over and over again. The words are so sad. Generally I can relate to almost any song when I'm in that place. My getting over it songs were "Leona Lewis- Better In time" and my screw you song, once I'd improved a bit was "Pink- U + UR Hand", I'd get ready to go out and dance around my flat to it. Just that line "I was fine before you walked into my life", ah so true.

    Dreams are awful though and I still occasionally have them. Puts me in a bad mood for ages and it annoys me that I still have all that in my head.

    I'm sorry you're going through all that crappyness. x

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  26. Hummm I may misunderstood the lyrics...

    Well... I would like that a boy loves me and not just his friendship... "i want your love"

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  27. My relationship is a bit of a mess for reasons I'm not going into.

    I feel horrible but it's nice to know i'm not alone with pain.

    My never-fail cry song is Death cab For Cutie's I will follow you into the dark.

    The words just kill me. Even when I am happy it puts a totally different spin on the world.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbqtuFemMOE

    *cuddles*

    Just never forget how gorgeous you are hun.

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  28. Losing someone special is the most hurtful thing that can happen to you... I know the feeling of fear. Hope you'll find your ray of sunshine in life. ((hugs))

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  29. Thanks, nailpolishlover! I'm keeping the faith... =)

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  30. Guess we've all been there... I'm glad it all happen just right for you! :)

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  31. Hey! My father is doing much better now, thank you!
    This guy wasn't my first BF, but he was my first love. And only one for that matter. I have a BF now, but it's not the same kind of ''head over heels'' love.

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  32. I hope the same. Thank you for your support!

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  33. Thank you, Thriszha! (((hugs)))

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  34. Yes, I remember your story. I can't even listen to the same music anymore. Not to the music we were listening to when we were together. I have a BF now and I really like (love?) him, but it's not the same... I sincerely hope that will come true - that you will be extremely happy some day. ((hugs))

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  35. It's comforting to realise that a lot of people are going/went through the same... Thank you for your words!

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  36. I always think that other couples are so happy and have no problems... I hope you'll feel better. Thank you for your support! :*

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  37. Men...who needs 'em.

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