Sunday, March 7, 2010

Don't Read This

I'm serious. Especially if you're happy and enjoying your Sunday...then don't read any further. Have a nice day and be happy!

I'm not feeling too good. The depression is getting worse (I'm still taking 2 pills every day) and it's combined with a strong feeling of anxiety which shows itself as cheast (heart) pain. I don't even feel like changing my mani. It doesn't matter... my current mani still looks good.


I had those bad dreams again... I know you must be so tired of me telling you that, but trust me: I'm even more tired of that. All I want to do is sleep and even then I can't have my peace. It's so tiring. Three years of being a total wreck...

I love you, dear reader, I love the people around me, I love my cats... there's so much I love. But right now, I can't hold on to that. I just can't see through this veil of darkness. It's like a mind cancer. I'm so weak and useless.

I just want those dreams to...


I want to sleep. In peace.

Now I'm gonna go cry my heart out, snuggle my cats and try to sleep. Thank you for all your support! You all mean a lot to me.

40 comments:

  1. Big virtual hugs.
    You are an intelligent woman and you can google any help you need and find out where to get help so I won't make banal suggestions.
    I just hope the fog lifts soon. Sleep is key to feeling well. No surprise that sleep-deprivation is used as a form of torture.
    Things will probably get better very soon. Don't lose hope!
    Jen

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  2. You also mean a lot to us! I hope you feel better soon, and I echo Jen: Don't lose hope!
    Mucho hugs, Cal

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  3. Tudi jaz ti pošiljam virtualni objem in te imam v mislih.

    Mucice znajo zelo dobro poslušati in vedno začutijo, ko nam je težko, blagodejni učinki njihovega predenja so pa itak znanstveno dokazani.

    Drži se!

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  4. You can get through this...we are here for you. Feel free to PM or e-mail me anytime. It's good to write about it. Hope you feel better soon. Hug your kitties and get some good rest.

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  5. i ja cu reci, drz se, proci ce! znam da je tesko :(
    btw nokti su predivni, jako mi se ovo svidja! ja polozila zadnji ispit i spremam se na put u 5mj, kad sredim diplomski i ostalo, nadam se da ce onda sve moje depresije i ljutnje prestati...

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  6. Not sure if you've spoken to doctors/therapists but I think they could help. I really love your blog and it makes me sad to think you're not happy.

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  7. I hope you can get through this. *hugs* I will say the only thiing that helped me was trying different anti-depressants until I found the right one. A good doc helps too. *hugs again*

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  8. I really hope you get past this. Finding good help is very hard and not finding any that can actually help is very dangerous.
    I will be praying for you. We all love you.

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  9. Sleep well and hug all your cats, they might give you litlle comfort.

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  10. Big hugs to you!
    People care, even in cyber space. I hope you beat this depression soon, life is too short to waste feeling so bad.

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  11. (((Nihrida)))

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  12. Hi sweetie, I've been struggling with depression since I was 19 and I know how bad it gets. Just hang in there. It might take a while but the clouds always eventually lift. I hope there's someone with you who can get you out of the house and get your mind off being depressed. Take care!

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  13. Sasha - go to your doctor and tell him that. Sometimes anti-depressents can make a depression WORSE. Those suckers have a lot of side-effect which sometimes can give you suicidal thoughts. He needs to check if you are on the right medication and if not, change it asap! Also - as I said before - let him prescribe you sleeping aids. Sleeping pills make you have sleep without dreams.

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  14. i really care for u.. u're special t me.. remember what i told u on my xmas.. somewhere part of this world...u have a friend like me... u take care always... xoxo!! big hugs!!

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  15. Just wanna leave a hug...

    XXX

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  16. I agree with Shebelle! please do that! , I hope you feel better soon.
    xoxo

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  17. *Big Hugs* Please know that we all love you too and that we all really hope that your bad dreams stop soon!

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  18. (((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))) i know how you feel. I have them too. feel better hun!!!

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  19. ~Elizabeth aka Lacquered LizardMarch 7, 2010 at 7:01 PM

    AGREED. Do this please...if not for you, then do it for all of us. :)

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  20. Nihrida, drži se! tudi jaz sem v mislih s tabo!

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  21. As a long time sufferer of depressionand anxiety, I really feel for you. Maybe you're on the wrong meds. I was on thre wrong ones for years but my current ones do help. Keep strong!

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  22. Claudia (aka cmp381)March 7, 2010 at 8:00 PM

    Sasha... I am seding a HUGE HUG!!!!!!!! through this blogosphere. I just wanted to let you know that I love you, and will always be here for you.

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  23. I have felt like this off and on for the last 10 years. I manage to get through the tough times by telling myself that it is temporary and it will go away. I find that exercise really helps. It boosts your endorphins which help you recover from depression more quickly.
    Take care and think "positive"
    hugs

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  24. *hugs*
    I know that there are no words that can improve what you're feeling.
    "And when the wind blows/And shadows grow close/Don't be afraid/There's nothing you can't face/And should they tell you/You'll never pull through/Don't hesitate..."
    I hope you be fine soon...

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  25. en velik cyber objem, drži se.

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  26. I don't know your history, but it is true that some anti-depressives can have the side effect that it does your current state of mind worse, and ads anxiety to the already shaky individual. And without proper sleeping, you're in a bad loop. Please, PLEASE get your doctor to see you and look for alterntives.
    Big, big, virtual hugs from me too.

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  27. I suffered froom Post Natal Depression after the birth of my first son, but that fog lifted within the first year. It must be so hard on you to go year after year and not come out of it. Have you tried different medication? Sleep deprivation makes me insane. It will be adding to your depression - tho I know you know that. Sleeping pills? Just a short term solution? I don't know what works for you, so suggesting lavender incense and white noise as a more natural remedy to sleep peacefully could make you snort your coffee up your nose in hillarity..... Hoping for some release for you. xx

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  28. Many *HUGS* lady. As everyone has said, I do hope you can go to your doctor and get this checked on - I hope that would do the trick.
    I don't have any wise words but I do offer my support and sympathy.

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  29. Look up Maori religon, especially their beliefs about dreams. They do something called 'conscious dreaming.' Instead of the dream just happening to you (much like being flattened by a truck) you are aware that you're dreaming and become a conscious part of the dream and effect the outcome. Therapeutic and gets easier with practise. Lexapro give me BIG/Bad dreams. This helps. Hang in there Honey; swear this is temporary. We're all waiting for you on the other side of the cloudbank.

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  30. Karrie (Beautopia)March 8, 2010 at 2:37 AM

    i totally agree with this. some meds exacerbate depression big time. I had this issue myself. Chin up, bunny, we all love you. take care of yourself because you are beyond awesome!

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  31. Hey you, I know you're not feeling the greatest right now. But I kinda wanted to tell you that I nominated you for a Best Blog award. I really hope this might cheer you up. If not, *Hugs*

    http://polish-holic.blogspot.com/2010/03/tagalicious.html

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  32. Skulda (Skuldasclaws.blogspot.com)March 8, 2010 at 2:55 AM

    I understand your depression thing, I have an anxiety disorder and I have bad dreams all the time. I have so many during the night I sometimes have trouble remembering real events, from dream events and it gives me a sick feeling in my somach. I found this increased with my current medication, so after a year of using it, I decided to start weening myself off of it and weening off a depression/anxiety medication is one of the most scary things to do.. it will take a few months to be fulling off of it, and it's a scary thing. Cuddle your kitties, they can be your best buddy. The purring is the most soothing sound in the world when you are upset.

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  33. I only wish I could help ... sometimes my dreams torment me with things I wish I didn't remember, things I thought I'd managed to leave behind. Your kind words have made me feel better, I wish I could do the same for you.

    My doctor told me taking antihistamines can assist restful sleep, I don't find that to be true but I know some people who do.

    Please take care *hugs*

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  34. Oh, S, we all do care for you so much! As shebelle says, check in with your docs... and in the meantime, I hope the snuggles with the kitties and the sleep has helped.

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  35. I'm so sorry that you're feeling like this. I too have been under the fog, mine was brought on by my OCD. Luckily I got medication that works, the fog started to lift, and went into therapy and little by little I got back on my feet and am now able to control the OCD and exessive worrying. There are a lot of ways to battle the fog, do not give up. Everything is temporary. You have it in you to be happy, you will find it. Hugs from a fellow catlover!

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  36. I'm sorry to hear that. I know it's not easy to get delivered from a depression, but I hope you'll fell better very soon !
    Take care of you.
    *Hugs*

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  37. Dear Nihrida, it hurts me too read your mail. I'm so sorry for you, feeling like this. i have black periods in my life as well and can imagine how you must feel. I really wished I could help you by any way.
    I only can comfort you with words and give you a really HUGE virtual hug and telling you I'm thinking of you. All things are alredy said by your readers and friends so I only can let you now that I'm here for you if you need a shoulder. You know my blog......your welcome to write mme any time you want and I will take all time to listen to you!
    Take care sweet thing......take care for yourself and know there a lot op people thinking of you. You do not have to do this al by yourself.....remember........just shout and we will here for you.
    For now I wish you have a good night sleep because that's essential....and another hug from me.
    Love Romika from Holland.......

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  38. Dear sweet Nihrida it hurts me to read your post. I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I have had black periods in my life as well and can imagine how you must feel. I really wished I could help you by any way.
    I only can comfort you with words and give you a really HUGE virtual hug and telling you I'm thinking of you. All things are alredy said by your readers and friends so I only can let you now that I'm here for you if you need a shoulder. You know my blog......your welcome to write mme any time you want and I will take all time to listen to you!
    Take care sweet thing......take care for yourself and know there a lot op people thinking of you. You do not have to do this al by yourself.....remember........just shout and we will here for you.
    For now I wish you have a good night sleep because that's essential....and another hug from me.
    Love Romika from Holland.......

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  39. the-swatchaholic.comMarch 8, 2010 at 7:36 PM

    *big big hugs*. I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. :(
    I wish I could help more. Take care, Sasha. You are in my thoughts. <3

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  40. I know I'm late to the get together, but I want to say I know EXACTLY how you feel. I take 2 pills a day aswell, and there's some days where all I want to do is cry and tear myself out of my body. I had strong feelings of anxiety too, horrible. It took me 2 years to realize when it all reached it's peak what exactly I was dealing with. It's funny cause I used to think I was alone.

    Enough about me. I wanted to let you know (which you already know) that you are not alone. We love and care about you!

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