First of all, I'd like to thank you for all your kind words! They mean a lot to me. Thank you!
I still can't believe this has happened. It kills me to know that I'll never be able to touch her sweet little furry face, to cuddle with her... Maybe some of you think I'm overreacting, because it's ''just a cat'', but it's not and it never was just a cat. Gaia was a family member and she was unique. She had a warm personality although she knew how to hide it. I miss her so much. I miss her sniffing whenever she would walk into the room. I miss how she sat on the radio and turned it on and off and on again. When I go outside, I look at the meadow... there was her spot and now - it's empty. So fuc*ing empty. Just like I feel. I'm sad and angry. I feel useless for not being able to help her, for not being there for her when it happened. I do blame myself. Maybe things would turn out differently if I called her into the house an hour earlier... Maybe.
My BF called me a few minutes after I found out. He loved her so much, she was his girl. He came the next day, but he couldn't give me any comfort because he was just as upset as I was. Pills were my friend. I couldn't even sleep without them (prescription drugs FTW).
I was so paranoid about my cats being hit by a car. Everytime I went outside, I'd look on the road and see if there's a ''furry ball'' rolling around on the warm asphalt. And we live in a village. There are only a few cars... And it happened. Gaia was walking home from the neighbours and she got hit. She wasn't even on the middle of the road. And this question keeps going through my mind: was she hit on purpose?
Yes, I'm angry. You know about that wish I made for Christmas? Well, fu*k that! I lost Shiva, Puma and Gaia in less than 6 months. That's just not fair. And not being able to say goodbye, to kiss her for the last time... Now her little ''doghouse'' is empty. The radio is empty. I feel the emptiness.
I know someone might come by and say: well, you should keep your cats inside, if there's a road near your house, so it's your fault! I do take some of the blame, but I don't agree with that. My cats were so happy outside, I couldn't have the heart to lock them inside just because something might happen. I couldn't take that away from her. And after all, we do live in a village where there's a minimal amount of traffic. I wish I could turn back the time. I wish to hold her again and see her sitting on the radio...
I hope I'll see you again, my little friends.